The Truth About Parenting: It Sucks
Another day goes past. Of routines, preparation, managing, correcting, teaching, cleaning, pleading for good choices, not being listened to, dealing with the stress of trying to get children to eat vegetables and sleep.
Fucking sleep.
That’s how I usually refer to it now. Haven’t had much of it in 5 years. I have two children who don’t like it. Two girls who love to battle it and battle with me when it comes time to go to sleep and stay asleep.
I go through the parenting motions and ponder,
“Does everyone hate this as much as me? How could any parent seriously say they enjoy parenting? Really?
Do they love changing nappies, wiping up spew, trying to uncover what the crying is about and then find the solution, trying to instil discipline and the ability to make smart, responsible choices and then patting backs for hours in the hope sleep will arrive”
It sucks.
Parenting SUCKS
Nobody tells you the truth and yet they expect you to be masters at it. Do it right or the judgers will soon appear tusking and waving their fingers.
Except no one knows what is right. There is no parenting manual that exists, except for those who judge. The chosen ones. Those who were sprinkled with the all-knowing fairy dust in the delivery room:
You are now the perfect parent. You will do everything right and with those special powers you have now been given the right to judge other parents who are scrambling in the dark.
Thou shall not breastfeed in public.
Thou shall not yell at your children.
Thou shall not smack your child.
Thou shall not travel with your children.
Thou shall not allow your child to scream in an airport- else be classified as the useless parent who can’t settle a child.
And if thou shall let your child scream in a cafe when I am trying to drink my coffee in peace, I shall come and tell you what a useless piece of parent space you are.
I don’t know why the hell I wasn’t sprinkled with the perfect parent fairy dust.
(Although I must say it is a little boring to be right all the time. Actually it is a little boring to be right only to cover up the fact that you are not perfect. Why not just admit you aren’t and move on?)
Every day I struggle to get parenting right.
Most evenings I go to bed and run through the events of the day and my management choices.
Geez, you messed that one up Caroline. How could you say and do that? How could you not get it right? Don’t you know the damage you are doing?
Parent of the year strikes again.
(You see I don’t need any judgmental perfect parents around me, I beat myself up way more than you ever could)
Most evenings I am tortured with guilt and regret.
I close my eyes and pray that tomorrow will be better.
I will get it right tomorrow. I’ll learn and fix my bad parenting woes. I’ll hold my girls a little tighter and let them know just how much I love them, and that I’d die without them.
“You see my precious angels. No one ever told Mummy how much parenting sucks. If I am completely honest with you, I hate it. It’s so challenging and demanding. All I want for you is to have a healthy, happy life, but most of the time you don’t listen to my sage advice on how to do this. I struggle against you to help you.”
Most of the time Mummy just doesn’t know what she is doing. So sometimes I get it wrong. Some days worse than others, and some days I do alright.
But the real truth is that despite how much parenting sucks; despite the fact that your screams may have continued all day and night, and you didn’t listen; despite telling me you hated me, followed with a swift kick; all it takes from you is one smile, one funny line, one cute expression or a silly dance and I am in love with you all over again.
I hate parenting, it sucks.
“But, I love being your mother.”
I’ll ride the sucky wave for ever. I’ll ignore the haters and will gladly stand on the box and proclaim that most of the time as a parent, I am completely useless. I’ll never follow the manual–it’s too rigid and boring for me and I will always struggle to know what is right.
Actually thank Christ I haven’t perfected things because then I’d have nothing to learn, there would be nothing for my girls to teach me.
I’ll keep striding forth, because I am a mother and mothers do. Mothers have love as the central focus in their heart and because of that they can withstand anything thrown their way.
Mothers fail, mothers win and mothers hearts break; they rejoice, they cry at random things they never would have cried at before, they embrace all things small and cute, and they’d take a strange child into their arms as their own, even though they often won’t know what to do.
I hope my little angels you will see me more as a mother than as a parent, even though it seems like the parent side of me exists more.
P.S. If you could help me one little bit, could you girls just get yourself to sleep for once, like in about 5 minutes instead of 2 hours. Pretty please.
Do you think parenting sucks?
Do you love being a mother anyway?
Comments
Lisa B
You are not alone. In fact by the time I visit this site again this evening, there will be dozens of comments agreeing with everything you say. Of course we love our kids but the gig is pretty relentless. We wanted to travel Australia for a year with our kids (8 and 11) and the one thing holding us back a little is being all together 24/7. Yowzer!! And yes, every night I vow to do it better and it does get much easier once they’re a bit older, though I’ve yet to hit teenage years! Gulp. Take care.
Caz Makepeace
Relentless is the word alright. I think I have a post coming up called I just need 5 minutes. Travel brings it to a whole new level! It is so rewarding but geez is it challenging. With two girls I’m already dreading the teenage years!
Janie
I love how honest you are.
I’m not a parent … Yet. But I do a lot of babysitting. I was definitely one of those who thought parenting was that lovely thing that you got a manual too & it would just come so naturally & easy. But since looking after a 1yr old and a 3yr old at the same time I realise that isn’t true, especially at bed time. Man isnt that is a mission.
I know I want kids someday but I’m definitely no longer under the illusion that “life will stay the same” haha wishful thinking that a few of my girlfriends have.
For now for me babysitting is giving me my maternal fix and the best part is I still get to sleep at night. Best of both worlds.
I particularly liked the bit about “I hate parenting but I love being your mother”
Beautiful post Caz, keep up the awesome work, I’m sure your girls will grow up to be amazing, happy,helpful, caring, beautiful women – who loved your parenting.
Caz Makepeace
Oh Janie bed time is hideous! I reckon half the battles would be gone if they just made this easy time. This really is most of my bother, and the teething and the eating of the vegetables and the… 😉
It’s actually great you are getting so much insight now before you have kids so you’ll know what to expect! No shocks for you. I actually used to believe the saying Slept like a baby!
Louisa Simmonds
You need help! This is exactly how I felt when my two were little and if I had been offered some help I think that the experience might have been a little different. I don’t know your situation but if things are that bad, try to make some changes. Can you get some time out – can a relative help out? Maybe you are suffering from postnatal depression – have you talked to a doctor? If it’s that bad, maybe get a part-time job for time out? I did just that even though once I’d paid childcare I earn’t nothing but it gave me time to get my head back in order. Being a mum is the toughest job I’ve ever done and I still struggle even though my kids are teens. The good thing is, they adore you and they won’t judge you – all we can do is our best.
Caz Makepeace
Oh no it’s not that bad! I think whether its good or bad parenting is bloody hard work! They are good girls… mostly 🙂 and I love them to bits. I’m busy a lot of the time with my online work so I get my time out. We’ve got both sets of parents nearby so we get a lot of help. Thanks so much for caring. It’s so awesome to connect with women who understand and support! I don’t think the tough stuff ever ends, I still see my parents constantly worrying about their kids and still parenting and we are all in our thirties!!
Me
Oh man, I totally hear you on this except that my ‘baby’ is 20 !!!! And still driving me nuts. I never thought I would do this but during this week she has pushed the boundaries just one too many times so we gave her an ultimatum – follow the three rules of the house or find somewhere else to live. It breaks my heart thinking about her leaving but, for her own good, she has to learn that there are consequences for her actions. If we don’t teach her this, who will ?
I’d like to say that it gets easier – and some things do – but at the end of the day, there will always be challenges – they will just change as your children get older.
I am starting to think – small children, small problems, big children, big(ger) problems !!!
Don’t beat yourself up – at the end of the day, you can only do the best that you can do with the knowledge that you have at the time – that thought is one that got me through many tough times. I know I am not / was not / will never be a perfect parent, but I can honestly look back and say that I have always done what I thought was right at the time – sometimes I look back and think “Geez, I really screwed that one up” – but, at the time, I thought it was the right decision.
Have a great weekend !
Me
Caz Makepeace
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences Me. It’s so great to hear from someone with an older child who can look back and say despite feeling like you were always failing you still did what you thought was right.
Parenting is tough right? especially when you have to make decisions like you just have. Tough love is all part of it and I so agree about learning consequences. I hope it all works out for you and your daughter.
Renee
So true, it does suck. When I had my almost 2 year old I felt like I’d been lied to. Why didn’t someone tell me how hard it was. 3 weeks off having number 2 and that is it x
Caz Makepeace
Oh yeah, number 2 sealed the deal for me too! I often wonder how on earth people with five kids managed and are not insane.
Jo Castro
Hey, Caz! You are not alone, and I can so relate to the lack of sleep. In fact I don’t know how you manage to run a successful online business and bring up two gorgeous girls who always look happy in the photos;) I was in a sort of London, pea soup fog for about five years thinking Chinese torture was preferable to sleep deprived parenting. But it gets easier, and there is justice I reckon … Tough toddler years equals great teenagers! Hang in there Mother, and especially hang onto the moments that you can never get back when they are all grown up.
Caz Makepeace
Love that! Chinese torture- lol. I am so hoping we have great teenage years, but my girls are so fiercely independent and willful we could be in trouble 🙂
Martine@themodernparent
Yes parenting is definitely hard work and so relentless. But having had 3 children close together then having a break and having 2 more children, I feel like I am starting again with the little ones. And whilst I love the big ones just as much, I am actually enjoying parenting these 2 much more. I guess it comes down to experience but I think I have a realisation of how much stress we put on ourselves that is so unnecessary. It sounds cliched but I dont sweat the little things nearly as much anymore. I don’t worry about the rules that say when to stop feeding my child a bottle. I don’t worry about the judges that look when a child is crying. I am confident that I can get these kids through based on the values and things that are important to our family. It is never going to be easy, nothing will ever be perfect…but without sounding like one of those ‘know it alls’ my only advice to new mums is to let go of the need to do everything right. (by the way your girls always look so happy and have a fabulous life of wonderful experiences…so I think you are doing an amazing job!)
Caz Makepeace
So great to hear your wisdom on it Martine. I’m certainly more relaxed with Savannah. Maybe I need to have more kids to hit that ultra chilled out zone 🙂 I think mothers frantically worry about getting things wrong because they are aware of how much it can mess up a child. Maybe we hear too much about people’s issues in life stemming from what their parent’s did. Maybe our society is too soft in that way, blaming parents instead of making every person responsible for their adult decisions! Something to think about!
Stacey-Lee
Oh my, seems we are on the same wavelength today as I posted about my parenting woes today 🙁 you are right, parenting sucks!! I love my kids but this gig is damn hard and I will readily admit it! Glad to hear others that feel the way I do.
Caz Makepeace
Lucky we love them so much or we’d all check out!! I read your post and loved it
Kathy
Relentless. I hear you. And I carry this extra layer of guilt and self-doubt because of going through infertility and then adopting our kids – if I wanted children so bad then how can I ever feel that parenting sucks! I must be so ungrateful when I’m parenting ‘someone else’s children’. Maybe Mother Nature was trying to tell me something all along. Intellectually I know that these feelings are crazy, but our minds do funny things to us don’t they.
Caz Makepeace
Our minds sure do. I think it is normal for any person to struggle with these feelings of disliking parenting. I mean we go from an independent life with so much freedom to suddenly having to give all of that up to perfect an extremely demanding role, that doesn’t even let you sleep much!!
katharine
Kathy, adopted children are a whole other ball game due to poor in-utero experiences, and with older children, exposure to abuse or neglect during their first three years of life. You really can’t compare. I have four adopted children and it’s been a hellish experience, not so much because their behaviors are so much worse than those children described in this blog but because they lack so many of the positive behaviors that make you say “I love being your Mom.” If you are finding this to be true for you, try the online parent support sight http://www.attachmenttrauma.org
Katharine
Kelly
Oh my gosh! Same situation here. Adopted two healthy, adorable children, have had them since birth and now they are 8 and 11. Sometimes I even think, wow, is this better than someone else could have done? haha! I feel like a complete guilty failure most times. I’m so thankful to come across this. Thank you all who are willing to be honest!!!!
Caz Makepeace
No worries Kelly. It’s a tough gig, we gotta let each other know our struggles so we can help lift each other up.
Beth Argyropoulos
Thanks, I needed that!
If anyone told us how hard parenting would be none of us would have gotten knocked up. Period.
I often wonder if it was like this in my mother’s generation. The judgment is so suffocating- and I mean from other mothers. I can’t wait to read the responses here of some women explaining how she has the answers and I must be doing it wrong! Point made.
Instead of lifting each other up, I find we tear each other down. Parenting is damn hard work- I adore my son, with all of my heart, but I find parenting heartbreaking as well. Days when he can’t manage to follow the social norms and other children are cruel, or vice versa- heart torn out.
And instead of support, we often tell each other why the other parent is superior in some way. Are we able to honestly look at ourselves? I don’t know. I have not found this to be the case.
I don’t think we have it right- this generation. I am not saying our parents had it right either. But I do know that after attachment parenting, breastfeeding forever, unschooling, and constant contact and sleeplessness that I am bled dry.
Where is the balance here? I don’t know, but I am sure this is a big mess waiting to be written about in psychological journals for years to come.
Zombie mothers. Get to work psychologists- your fortunes are waiting to be made….
Caz Makepeace
I so agree with you Beth. Parenting realizes how strong love is. If we didn’t have that love we’d have left them at the beginning. I don’t think it will ever get easier, there will always be challenges and heartaches. I was thinking this morning as my daughter barely gave me a wave goodbye after I dropped her to school, how much I still love her even though she breaks my heart!
I think if more mothers accepted that it’s okay to struggle and not know everything then the more women will come together instead of trying to tear each other down. We’re all in this together and trying to make another mother feel small so you can feel a little more capable does not do anyone good. It’s a shame that more people don’t get this but the media certainly inflame things.
I think you are right about psychologists, maybe that is a good biz opp for us 🙂 Thanks for sharing with us Beth
Caitlin
I hear you and I can relate to a lot of it. I just wanted to let you know that there are parenting manuals that can help with the sleep issues and they do work. Because I have twins, I was motivated to solve this problem early and it took some work but we sorted it out around 12 months. At age two both of them are great sleepers now and I’ve been getting enough sleep myself for at least a year. I’m not saying this to boast or to make you feel bad but just give you hope. Five years is definitely too long for you to be patting for hours and for you to go without enough sleep of your own.
Caz Makepeace
Thank you Caitlin! My eldest is a pretty good sleeper now. She started sleeping through at 2 years old so has been pretty good since then. My youngest is good at sleeping through the night, it’s just getting her to sleep is a problem lately. It is getting better. We no longer have to pat her to sleep and we are able to move out of the room just before she drifts off. I think it will get better from here on out.
Linda
I am the mother of two boys. One is 20 years old and one is 16. It is exhausting being a parent. Wondering if you are doing the right thing. Both my boys need a dose of tough love but I’m never strong enough to stick it out. My oldest has always been a tough one to raise and now he goes to community college and won’t get a job. My younger son is a struggle just getting him to go to school ….. Mothering is the most important job there is and yet so easy to screw up. The guilt when you think you’ve screwed up is horrible. The guilt when you KNOW you’ve screwed up is sometimes impossible to get over. I love my boys but I should never have been a parent – I’m ill-equipped but certainly not from lack of trying or lack of love. I think I just never demanded the respect I deserve and never stuck with the discipline. Too late now!
Caz Makepeace
Oh Linda I am sure you are a wonderful mother. We can never quite see how great we are as we are always plagued by guilt and doubt and we only see what we do wrong. I think all parents go through the same struggle and I can only imagine what we’ll go through when our daughters are teenagers.
Anna
Its refreshing to read this – I’m three months in to my first and only and he is absolutely adorable but the parenting bit – damn hard already and many of you are right, we think we know what we are in for….. I reckon if we did know how hard it is, there would be no future population – ha ha!
I reset every day, regardless whether I have cried, laughed, drank a bottle of wine (not breastfeeding – ha) been lectured about not breastfeeding, etc – resetting is my one saviour!
Thanks for sharing
Caz Makepeace
Bottles of wine–the joys of not breastfeeding!! It’s a mother’s saviour. Ignore the lecturers aka perfect parents. Whatever! I think you have to reset every day and our babies are so lucky we love them so much.
Father of the Year
I hate parenting! It’s a constant array of stress and agony, only briefly interrupted by cute smiles and funny-little comments. It destroys your sex life, your fun life and your sanity. My kingdom to go back in time with a box of condoms in hand.
Caz Makepeace
Ha Ha!! Lucky we love them so much!!
Marilyn
Wow, I came to my computer feeling so discouraged with parenting. You really nailed on the head! It’s nice to know I’m not the only mom out there feeling this way!
Caz Makepeace
No you are not at all. I hate it when parents act like everything is perfect because it absolutely isn’t and its not been helpful to other parents who need to know they are not alone.
Linda
I am counting down the days until summer is over. Sometimes I feel like a horrible person because I hate parenting so much. I love my child as a person, but I despise the minutiae involved in parenting. It’s the one job you can’t try, realize it’s not for you, and change your career.
Caz Makepeace
I so agree Linda. It is such a tough gig. There is no break, you never know what you are doing, you’re filled with guilt, and nothing ever seems to work. I find it incredibly draining. Nobody ever really prepares you for it. It’s a good thing you love them so much else you would take them back. One cuddle or silly joke and a giggle makes it all worthwhile…. sort of 🙂
Blessed
I got news for you. EVERYBODy thinks it sucks. It’s just that very few parents are willing to admit it. The reasons for this are myriad, but the facade is slowly being cracked, and more and more parents are stepping up and admitting (Usually anonymously online) “What the *uck did I do to myself”? My life is over.
Kevin
You’re just one more idiot parent who didn’t look before they leaped. Neither did mine. (Although they did not make the mistake of not disciplining us.) You all get married and just like that it’s “O.K. – time to have kids.” Flipping automatic. Rarely seen it fail. Right. You got just what you deserved. I didn’t even bother to read your jive story or many of the posts sympathetic (pathetic) to your situation. They are idiots like you.
I don’t need to read your dumb ass story. You sound as if you raised kids according to Doctor Spock who is burning in hell just now for that ridiculous garbage regarding not using corporal punishment. If so, you got even more of what you deserve and you’ve raised monsters to unleash on the public who will more than likely repeat your error. The lack of breast feeding is what is causing dietary and medical problems (and possibly sexual ones as well) later in life for these kids. Just one other reason you idiots should not have children if you can’t hack it. Some kids are bad no matter what you do. That’s the reason you should have thought it over.
What? I suppose none of you ever heard any of this before you married? What a bunch of crybabies. You should have spanked their little behinds. Where is dad? Truth be known, you probably like to be single again.
I feel sorry for your husbands. It’s little wonder that kids are like they are when raised by your lot.
I could go on big time. I’m sure you all want to rip into me. Be my guest. I might even answer you. Not that you deserve the attention. Before you do, think it over. You all are the ones who screwed up. I knew better. No matter WHAT you all say, it will always come down to ONE irrefutable fact. You chose your fate. I would have said live with it, but listen to you all. I love to listen to you all whine AFTER you’ve done the deed. Just what where you expecting? No wonder kids are screwy these days.
Caz Makepeace
Classic!! Quite the giggle. Thank you Kevin. You might want to research the person you are making these comments to before you do.
I really think you should check this post out http://www.mojitomother.com/2011/08/simple-meditation-tips-for-beginners/
It might help you find the peace you are looking for.
Pab
Oh my god! I am a single dad of a 13 year old, and my wife just informed me she is pregnant, and I have never felt sadder in my life.
It was nice to see this blog and realize that I am not just an evil freak
Caz Makepeace
Oh not at all Pab. It can take some adjusting to get used to it and it is a challenge. Just think of how lovely the good moments are and focus as much as you can on that
Bev
This is brilliant. Thank you for being so honest. My kids are teenagers now, but I wish I had read this then. We Mom’s are our strongest demons, posting perfection on FB and Pinterest, providing teachers to parents-on-the-playground our anecdotal evidence of mastery, how together we are, and falling apart in despair in private that we should be better, stronger, amazingly in control. <3 you!
Caz Makepeace
Thank you Bev. I’m trying to focus on all the good things I do as a mother, rather than how often I fail. It’s a struggle every day!
Danielle
O my god…. finally someone who tells the truth. I am so sick of seeing all of these “so called” perfect mothers on facebook and the like…. posting all the time happy photos of what they have been doing with their children…. and going on and on about how much they just love being a parent… I just don’t get it, am I doing something completely wrong because I am just not in their happy world…. but then again my youngest is 2 – terrible toddler 2!!!!! I have 3 boys and the oldest is 8 going on 28, he is sure he is in charge of the household, has the weight of the world on his little shoulders and doesn’t really know how to be a kid….. the constant questions are enough to drive me over the edge! Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my children and only want the best for them. But I am by no means super Mum, I hate doing art and craft with my children and as for cooking with them….. I just don’t have the patience that all of the super mums you see on facebook must have. I have only just stumbled upon your blog, from The Organised Housewife, so I look forward to reading more and not feeling so bad about my parenting. Thanks!
Caz Makepeace
Thanks Danielle, I think the more we talk about the real truth of parenting the better we would probably all cope! I’m always so relieved when I hear the truth from others because it helps me to know I’m not alone and a total useless- it’s actually quite normal to not be a super mum!
Lil
I am not a parent. I am a stepmom to an 11 year old although she is with us every other weekend and sometimes comes during the week. We are super close and she is a true joy to be around. Love her like my own. My fiance, since the beggining (8 years ago) told me parenting is not for him. He doesnt have the patience, its too hard, he worries all the time etc. He told me he didnt want more children. I was ok with it because i was younger and thought it was fine. But years passed and I have seen his precious daughter grow (we are super close) she is adorable, (no tantrums, only have seen her cry once, follows instructions, i mean a real perfect/quiet/calm/kind hearted child) and i felt like having one. (i am an only child). I am 42. Hes 41. We are getting married in 7 months, and he wanted to make sure we are on the same page regarding no children.
He wanted to marry if i was certain i didnt want kids. Tough call. I would like to have 1. But, and here is the thing – i LOVE my life as it is, i hate the dropping off and picking up at to school ( i love to sleep), homework, cant stand kids movies, games, arts and crafts, etc. I LOVE my stepdaughter to pieces and i even mentor a foster care system girl and visit her every week, atke her out and help her go through her tough situation. And i truly love both, my stepdaughter and my mentee.
But i LOVE to come home to my silence, Love everything in its place, love to read my books, to enjoy wine with my partner, we travel, we go for drinks or stay all sunday watching movies. I love our life. I am scared of missing out on being a mother and that saddens me, but then I read all your views and struggles and it makes me think if I would be better of just marrying the love of my life, enjoying my stepdaughter who adores me, and take care of our dog and great life. I accepted the ring, and with that i have accepted not becoming a mother. I guess i read all your posts to convince myself this is the best decision for me. The options were: losing the man i love and stepdaughter i care so much about, to go have a kid or marry him and say goodbie to being a parent.
Caz Makepeace
Oh gosh what a dilemma for you! I wish I could give you some advice but I would not have a clue as to what you should do and what you’re going through. I’d say look deep into your heart and you’ll find the answer. I guess you don’t have to be a birthing mum to be a mum. The love is still the same
Leigh
This made me laugh. I mean, really, what else are you going to do.
Yep. I hate repeating myself over and over. I hate that it takes forever to get out of the house. I’m not a big fan of friend dramas, and Lila didn’t sleep a full night for the first two years of her life. It was not pretty.
What parenting does, I think, is force you to set very clear boundaries and be very forgiving your yourself. Either that, or I think perhaps you go crazy.
It also makes me wonder why so many people simply assume that having children is something all women and particular married couples must do. I just started writing a book based on a journal a kept while pregnant with Lila. The first chapter is all about how each woman and family must make the choice whether or not to have children, and it should indeed be seen as a viable choice to decide not.
When all is said and done, though, I can’t imagine my life differently, and I am more than happy and at peace with my choice. 🙂
Caz Makepeace
Oh I agree. I know a few people who don’t want kids and I’m all for it. I think the worse thing any person can do is become a parent because they think they should. It’s too damn hard! You gotta be passionate about it. Well sort of. I love it most when I can look at their angelic sleeping bodies!! LOL We had dinner with friends tonight and I was so excited because we had a 40 min drive home and I knew the girls would fall asleep and I’d not have the 2 hour drama of trying to get them to sleep.
Jason
Parenting indeed sucks. I try to tell myself it’s “Karma Yoga” or some kind of penance for past transgressions. Only a severe masochist would intentionally bring on such torture. I regret having children every single day of my life…from the time they wake up fighting until the time they fall asleep after fighting me for an hour about cleaning their room, losing several privileges along the way. It would have been far better for all of us if they’d never been born. If I were to list the pros and cons, I struggle hard to find a single “pro”. 🙁
Caz Makepeace
It’s such a draining experience I hope you can dig deep to find some pros. They are lurking around there. Maybe spend a day alone with each child away from the house doing fun things. That can take away the parenting blues a bit
Randy
If you think it’s hard now, wait until they become teenagers…. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but children are easy (relatively) at a young age. The stress on your relationship with your spouse hasn’t begun to show, they are not mouthy and defiant, and you aren’t ignorant (in their eyes). Time is not your friend in the short term. Long term, it is . Mine have 5 years till I give them the pink slips to their lives and wish them well. They have all the answers, right? Life will be EASY for them. As for the spouse…. Not a priority anymore. You are not alone, dear, if that helps.
Lisa
I think there is a lot of truth in this post! I love the “but I love being YOUR mother” part.
Caz Makepeace
IT’s the one thing that gets me through the awful parenting stuff!
Lys
Thank you. I literally googled “it’s ok to hate parenting sometimes” blindly hoping someone on the internet would agree with me, and it led me to this article.
I wish it was okay to say these things as quickly as we say “I’m fine, thanks.” If anyone had told me it was okay to THINK these thoughts, I might not have spent the first year of my sons lives feeling guilty. Parenthood is beautiful and happy and angry and sad, all in a span of two minutes. I’ve never been so in love with anyone in my life, but I’ve also never been so frustrated that I just want to cry. Thank you for not lying to me, I really appreciate it.
Caz Makepeace
Oh gosh my pleasure Lys. I so understand and I get the guilty thing. I think it”s super important that we all reach out to each other and understand we are not alone. We’re all feeling the same thing. I spend most days feeling like I’m going insane, yet one little cute thing they do sparks the I’m so in love thing, and I totally forget how hard it is. Well at least for a few minutes!! Makes you realize how strong love is hey?
Lynn
I just googled “I suck at being a parent” and your blog came up. Good to hear I am not the only one. I am so sick of failing day after day. I know I’m not doing it “right” but cannot seem to get it together. Every day is a chaotic struggle. I am striving not to lose hope. Thanks for your honesty. It does give a bit of hope to see that others struggle too instead of all the books and articles that only serve to reinforce the fact that “I suck at being a parent”.
Caz Makepeace
Keep moving forward. It’s a tough gig. Concentrate on all the things you do right. That’s my focus now
pray4patience
I appreciate all of the comments moms have made here. I think these conversations help mothers realize we are very much the same, all in the same struggle. Its, as you’ve said, relentless… and challenges all of your patience and energy.
My question to you all is, what will you tell your DSs and DDs about having children when they are old enough to contemplate it? Will you tell them the truth about how brutal parenting can be, the worry, stress, judgement, self-hate, energy-drain, and the fact that it is not rewarding much more often than it is rewarding, and, can’t forget that as a bonus it is financially draining.
Caz Makepeace
I think I will, but at the same time emphasis why its such a valuable and worthwhile experience. And I will give htem lots of tips as to how to handle it and adjust.
Nectar34
Ok. First of all, I LOVE your article. I really do. I googled( parenting sucks the first year) and came across this article. Although, I think you have some reaaally valid points in sleepless nights sucking, not having any freedom to do anything but answer to your kids ( bc they control your entire schedule every day) and you cant do what you want anymore, nighttime battles, mouthy behaviors…..these all things SUCK. theres just no denying the fact that being a parent is HARD work. I am a new mother. My son Is 14 months old now. He came out screaming and didn’t stop until we just got his ear tube surgery 3 days ago. He didn’t sleep through the night until 10 months, even then screamed 3 hours straight every. single. night before he would go down, he’d wake throughout the night, I was exhausted, my husband was exhausted, we just kept saying ” WHY did we do this, why why why is parenting THIS hard. Could we have ever prepared ourselves for this.?” Although, he JUST started going down to sleep easier, and sleeping through the night this past month, things have gotten a lot better, but now I’m CONSTANTLY chasing my 1 year old son throughout the house, all day (I only work 2 days a week) All of this said, what im getting at is it HAS to get easier as he communicates better and as the kids get older. It just has to. I realize bigger kids, bigger problems, but honestly, I don’t necessarily agree with that. You mothers that say that, obviously have forgotton just how trying and difficult it is having a small toddler, 1-2 years of age who can not follow ANY directions, is still in diapers, cant speak, doesn’t listen, and just spends every hour of his day destroying everything in sight, I spend most every min of my day preventing him from hurting himself, im on autopilot. He does NOT nap at all. It just cant get harder than it has been the past 6 months. In fact, its been SO hard, me and my husband do not want another child ever. I know it may sound selfish, but we know how hard it is now with ONE kid, why on earth do you people have more than 1 kid if you hate parenting so much? im doing the smart thing!!!! stopping at ONE!!! sorry, don’t mean to b rude but come on…..???
Simone
Thank you! I needed to read something like this tonight after the day I’ve had!! I love my three little cherubs, 6, 4 & 11 weeks (all boys!). I love them dearly and I feel blessed. But jeezus (!!!) this mothering gig is tough!! Even on the good days I feel like am driven to drink….. by 4pm!! Thank you for writing such a truthful, honest post. Yours Sincerely, An over-tired, spew-covered, unfit, un-kept, happy, loved Mumma
xxxx
Karen
I think it’s rather easy….until they’re 8! My motto…..”they’re great til they’re 8!” In case you haven’t experienced the teen years……AAAAHHHHH!!!!! It’s horrible!!!!!
Wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy!! ?