When we’re stuck in a rut, or perhaps worse, a path of destruction, it’s understandable that our unconscious mind has not afforded us any grace. For whatever reason, you think you deserve less, so continue to create a life that is not reflective of your true potential.
It’s easy to not worship yourself. We’ve grown up with mixed messages about what success, worthiness and perfection means. We’ve all had our failings and our down moments. We’ve not been taught that this is all part of grace, of learning and growth. So instead of embracing it, we continually beat ourselves up and look to others as a benchmark to where we should be.
The game of of never being enough continues.
I suffered from low self-esteem and insecurity from a very young age. I don’t know why I disliked myself so much, but I did, and I was convinced everyone else did too, including God.
Through the travel years of my twenties, I was having so much fun that I buried those feelings of worthlessness and life cruised on by. I travelled the world with the man I loved. How could you not be happy? Financially we were doing okay. We’d made smart investments and while did not live a lavish lifestyle, it was one that was comfortable and involved doing what we loved.
When we decided to jump into an entrepreneurial world those feelings of not being good enough came bursting back. My subconscious searched for ways to sabotage what we were doing because deep down I knew I didn’t deserve to step up and out into the light and into my dreams.
Why would it happen to me? Who did I think I was to want this? I’m just not good enough, smart enough, funny enough, pretty enough, worthy enough.
Fear, frustration, angst, and desperation surrounded me.
All I wanted was to create my dream life of travel and help others to do it, but I could not get past my self and the feelings that some higher power would never help me because I was lower than a snake’s belly. I didn’t understand this at the time; I thought it was the fault of everyone and everything around me.
The desire in me for change, sparked a internal search for meaning. Through that digging, I began to understand the fear and feelings that lay under that blame. I did not think I was worthy or good enough.
Ouch. How long had I been holding onto this and why? This probably doesn’t really matter much, what matters is flicking the switch to believing you were born just as perfect as you are now.
What are you carrying around under your fears and frustrations?
When you uncover that monster, you can finally make some changes.
It took a financial devastation of nearly half a million dollars to wake me up. My pain was intense and my soul ached. It was desperately trying to tell me through its yearning that there was something more for me, if I just believed that I deserved more.
I couldn’t let what I had created be the reality of my life forever.
I didn’t know how I was going to turn things around, but my soul clearly spoke that I had to and it was up to me to do it.
I simply decided that I would believe I deserved it.
That decision did not reflect an instantaneous belief and all channels suddenly opened for things to happen. It’s been a long journey since then, but that decision opened up a small space for me to step into.
By saying that I would step forth into this world my soul ached for, I said I would learn how to believe in my own self-worth and take the necessary steps to find what my soul was yearning for me to do.
When you make step into your sacredness in this way, you call upon the power of the Universe to support you. You’re now working towards something far greater and more important than the self-pity parties you like to constantly rerun in your psyche. I was so damn good at this! ( I still can be, in fact I championed one the other night- self-belief is a mountain you never stop climbing)
Yes. You deserve it. You might not think you do. You might not realize you are playing that song in your own life. But, if you are living a life you don’t love, then I’m sure self-doubt is the track you keep playing.
What’s burning up for you? What’s your soul’s yearning? Connect with it and make the decision that you deserve to live it. You are that much closer now to living a life you truly love.
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Have you decided you deserve more yet?