I’ve been going slightly batty lately.
I spoke of my angst last week with a post on my two year cycle. It really hit nutty level last Thursday. I was finding it difficult to concentrate on anything and felt disjointed, almost as if every connection in my periphery was breaking apart.
I wasn’t sure if it was purely because of my desire for change, or if it was a result of my Asian detox I was two days into. Two days of grilled tomato, bok choy and miso soup was wreaking a little havoc.
Resistance hit; I could barely stop myself from pouring an extra-large soy flat white and breaking out the chocolates. I’ve done detoxes before, and apart from a couple of hours of stress, I’ve handled it pretty well; this time I was falling apart.
It proved to be a great exercise in self-control and paying close attention to how my body speaks. I discovered much of my eating arises out of boredom, frustration, and the need for comfort. To become aware of your unconscious reaches for the food bowl based upon these emotions is vital. But to experience that reaching out, only to have it slapped away was extremely uncomfortable.
My mind whispered encouraging words to “Just pour the coffee, one won’t hurt,” while my soul and body fought back, No I am not going to do it. I will not give in. I’m proving that I am stronger as I peel back the layers to move deeper into my spirit.
Craig, on the diet with me, confessed to similar feelings.
“I think we took too long off over Christmas. I am struggling to get back into work. I just feel so disjointed. I can’t make things move.”
“Oh my god. I am feeling the same way. Maybe it’s the detox. It can do crazy things to you.”
He didn’t have the same conviction that it was the diet. We went for a walk and he spilled all his frustrations out. They were the same as mine. Mostly we were amped to start running the best race of our life, but the starter gun had not yet fired. The first week of January, and most businesses weren’t back at work yet. We had plans we wanted to get moving on and were frustrated with the blockages.
A part of me opened up and admitted my fear in the quietness of my own thinking space. The signs have all been pointing to products we have to create to help your readers. They are coming at me from all angles, and while that excites me, I am also afraid I cannot live up to the task and will let people down.
“You know, we just have to take one step at a time. Do what we can do one move at a time,” Craig decided.
He was right. That is the best thing to do when you feel overwhelm, fear and frustration.
“I can’t shake the feeling that there is something else going on Craig. I feel there is great change coming. This angst we are feeling, I’ve had for a while now. Usually it means the Universe is shaking things up. When change comes its natural for us to resist.
Change is a good thing. The best thing we can do is sit this out. Let go and trust the Universe will take care of everything. When we get out of the way of ourselves, the perfect result always appears.”
It all comes back to trust. My biggest lesson of 2012.
So while I continue to tame the urge to stuff my face with caffeine and sugar, I will quietly sit with the turbulence and prepare to embrace the perfect change that is soon to arrive.
Do you feel your world shaking up sometimes? What has happened as a result?