Making mistakes, gossip and having compassion

I started to write a post on y travel blog the other day about regret, the pain of my past and how some stupid decisions caused me to lose everything I owned.

A little thought whispered in my mind, “Maybe they’ll understand now just what a traumatic experience that was for us.”

I’m not sure if I know who they are, but it was obvious that they had bothered me by their inability to remove themselves from the centre of my mistakes. Sometimes they are the people laying wait in the shadows, waiting for others to mess up so they can talk about it in their little circles and make themselves feel better.

“Did you hear what they did? What idiots….. I can’t believe it…  They threw it all away … they should have listened to us.. I would never be so stupid…”

Yada. Yada. Yada.

I know about the gossip.  It would have bothered me years ago, but now I hold my head high.

Because now I’m turning my failures into lessons and eventual victories so that one day I can say ,“Look at me now. If I hadn’t made those disastrous choices then perhaps now I would not be spending my days doing what I love.”


Source: via Amelia on Pinterest

Our mistakes make us stronger, so if we never go through them then we can never grow into who we were meant to be.

It’s easy to sit in your zone of comfort and talk about the failures of others, those who dared to take a risk, but does this mean that because you didn’t lose or fail  you won? Or that you are fulfilled and happy?

Does not making mistakes mean you have perfected your life?

Does not making mistakes, because of complacency, mean that you have the right to gossip about others?

A friend recently went through a similar financial crisis which caused her a lot of heartache and stress.

She expressed her concerns to me about others finding out, because she knew what they would be sitting around and saying.

It broke my heart. I knew it was true. And some of these we call friends. I knew what my friend was going through and I wanted to give a big fuck you to anyone who gave her shit about it. How could they when her heart was breaking?

It’s tragic to think that we sit around and talk of others and their sufferings like its nothing – something to laugh and be smug about.

I’m happy to wear the stupid failure badge. The real power arrives when you accept and take responsibility for your almighty fuck ups!

Now I know what to do next time.

I know how to make things better.

I know how to have compassion. I know that I never want anyone to EVER go through what I did and if they do you can be sure as hell I won’t be sitting around in groups gossiping about it to make myself feel better. I’ll be offering them a shoulder and some cuddle arms to make them feel better.

You never know the pain that lies behind others’ stupid mistakes and choices.

You never have any right to judge or criticize them, unless of course you are perfect.

And I think somehow we have all missed the boat on that one.

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Your thoughts?

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  • Toni

    I couldn’t agree with you more on this Caz! Life is about learning through making mistakes not perfect decisions and if they were why is it that so many huge business have encountered bankruptcy at least once?
    I have made so many mistakes in my life and had many regrets over them until I realised (finally) that those mistakes make me the person I am today. If I hadn’t have struggled so much in the past, would I be as compassionate as I am now? Maybe not.
    It’s incredibly hard not to worry about gossip and judgement but I think when you realise that you have to be selfish and ignore everyone else in order to sort out your situation it becomes a lot easier to deal with because you know that at the end of it, you’re going to come out stronger, wiser and happier but the rest of them will still be ugly on the inside and out!


    • Caz Makepeace

      I so agree that your mistakes make you who you are now. It’s how you handle them that determine your character. I think once we start accepting how good mistakes can be we lose the regret we feel


  • jan

    I think that people who make mistakes (don’t we all), learn from the consequences and put themselves back together again, have earned their bravery badge and should wear it with pride!
    Next thing you know those gossipers are saying “Isn’t it just amazing how they have put their life back together, and they are always so positive and caring!”


  • loulou

    Hi Caz,


    I too have been WRONGLY judged and gossiped about – how stupid are the little people in their glass houses.
    They will fall one day – they will fall and it will be a huge one. Because these type of people don’t ever learn from another – they think they know it all now.

    Gossip is for a type of person these people stick together like glue. In a way I like the the glue that keeps those ones together – because I know who and what to avoid like the plague.

    good stirring post caz



    • Caz Makepeace

      Thanks Lisa! I know what you mean. We need to stay away from those who want to hurt and tear us down


  • Tracey @ Bliss Amongst Chaos

    You’re so right Caz.
    I’m a big believer in the whole ‘Glass houses’ thing.
    But then again, I’m not perfect 😉


  • Catherine @ The Spring

    Hi Caz,

    Loved your talk at Blogopolis so followed some links through to here… I think a lot of us, when we’ve come out to our families and friends as ‘bloggers’ have been met with a fair bit of judgement – I’ve realised that many people see blogging as self-obsessed and attention seeking. Actually, like here, it’s a supportive place to hang out. Great post!

    Catherine @ The Spring (in Sydney)


    • Caz Makepeace

      Hi CAtherine!
      Thanks for finding me over here! The judgement bloggers receive is so harsh, but I guess that will always come when you put yourself out there. It’s funny those people calling bloggers attention seeking are seeking the attention themselves with their criticism!! You have to laugh at it all sometimes.


  • Lisa Wood

    Hi Caz,

    I have been the one to join in on the gossip (school yard car park gossip) and it felt wrong afterwards.

    I have also been on the receiving end of gossip and it hurts. I would love to say sorry to those that I have talked about because it does cut deeply.

    I think that our society LOVES it when we do fuck up – they enjoy it because then its ok for them…it means that they are not alone.

    There used to be a time when us AUSSIES got together and helped one another. I love seeing that – maybe there is some of it still happening when communities pull together in times of need.

    I do know one thing – my mistakes are huge and we have learnt from them. Now we are smarter and wiser for it, and yes I am proud of my stuff ups. It now means my goal is clearer, bigger and within sight!

    Here’s to Stuff Up Successes – May they be bigger than ever !



    • Caz Makepeace

      I think we all have found ourselves involved in the gossip and on the receiving end. I think you’re right that peopel like to see others mess up as it makes them feel better and not alone. I As long as we are all aware that we are capable of being this person then we can work to stop ourselves from doing it when the moment arises.
      I love my stuff ups!! Trouble is they just keep coming, which would be nice if they just went on holiday for a bit so I can put into practice what I’ve learned 🙂


  • Desire Empire

    Until people cease to buy things they don’t need with money they don’t have to impress people they don’t like this nasty gossip will be with us. It’s so important to stop occaisionally and look around at what you have rather than what you don’t. It’s kind of like a run of insomnia….Until you can’t sleep you take it for granted that you can.


    • Caz Makepeace

      Ain’t that the truth! Didn’t realize how special sleep was until I became a mother. Now I wish I slept more instead of out partying till late.. I need more in the reserves!! I love your opening sentence!


  • Maxabella

    Powerful words, Caz and never truer. I admit that in many circustances I might ‘judge’ (personally I think we are all a bit judgey in life), but I would never, ever let my own thoughts cloud my empathy and compassion for someone in a tough situation. I think that’s diabolical. I would rather prefer to offer help, to listen and perhaps to learn something from them. Kudos to you for rising above it – and rising, and rising and rising!! x


    • Caz Makepeace

      The only way is up Bron! You are right that we all judge, but as you say this should not get in the way of compassion and a helping hand


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