Motherhood and the continual search of me-ness….

This is a guest post by Jo Gifford from Dexterous Diva.

As the proud mum of two brilliant, funny, beautiful and infectiously smiley twin girls my life was turned upside down 3 years ago.

Eva and Mia arrived in my life as bundles of tiny joy. We didn’t have the best birth, a C-Section followed by myriad problems, and I was plagued by post natal depression, all of which are stories in themselves. Now they are toddlers we are out of the sleepless nights ( mainly), the total 24 hour reliance on me is lessening, and life continues to evolve.

Suddenly, I am faced with the problem that many mums face – remembering who I am.

A mother's search for her self

Who am I?

Source: via Chris on Pinterest

The journey of motherhood has been rocky for me, as I battled with post natal depression and the return of endometriosis, a chronic condition which affects our lives daily. Now the worst of the PND is in the past and we are concentrating on coping with illness and enjoying two young children, I often realise that I need to remind myself who I am.

Does that sound daft to you?

I know who I am when I am at work, a fortuitously self created job which I love and which can be flexible enough to be done anywhere. I know who I am when I am with the kids. I sort of know who I am when I am with my partner, although I could do with some reminding, but I have forgotten how Jo Gifford functions as myself.

Life with kids is very very different. Nights out are much much less, sleep is deprived, energy is lessened, and the time and inclination to do things that make us who we are can be very hard to find. Life with kids and a chronic illness is different again still, as those windows of opportunity to be me are reduced even greater.

I am a very sociable being, and love to be surrounded by people. I love being active, creative, with a rounded sense of experience in literature, music, the arts, a vibrant social life; I love travel, adventure, spiritual exploration a sense of the new.

Working on my own, being a mum to littlies and having endo all mean the essence of things that make me “me” are compromised. So, I am seeking to find little ways to bring me back.

These include starting a book club, so I know I will see friends to discuss literature in the real, offline world once a month.

Finding one day a month to be with my partner and check out some culture, go for dinner, just talk to each other and remember why we get on!

I try to find something new each day, whether it’s a new blog to read, new podcast to listen to, or to try a new coffee in the coffee shop, just to keep things fresh and moving, even if on a small scale for now.

Bio: Jo Gifford is a designer, writer, blogger and proud mum of the Mini Divas.
You will find her blogging as Dexterous Diva, and Twitter both as @dexdiva.

You can listen to my inspirational podcast with Jo

Your Turn to Share Tips:

How do you make sure you do things that make you “you”? Do you find it hard to juggle work, parenting and relationships?
Share your tips for survival and let us know.

posted in: Magic
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  • Brooke {Slow Your Home}

    Daft? Definitely not. You sound like the running commentary in my own head!

    I’ve trodden a very similar path to you (with two exceptions – my littles aren’t twins and I don’t have endo) and man, it is just incredibly hard to find yourself again.

    I find time alone is restorative to me, if I can chill at the library and work on the blog or any other writing – because it is something that I enjoy doing and that speaks to the heart of me. It’s not about anyone else at all. Gardening is my therapy and just being outdoors with my hands in the dirt makes me feel more like me.

    But it is definitely a juggle, and I think it’s a constant state of balancing the imbalance.

    Fabulous post, thanks for the food for thought today!


  • Tara Mauger

    Ahhh yes!!! I lost myself through motherhood….even being a wife! It’s a sad reality that many women think they have to ‘conform’ to a certain way of being. I written many blog posts about how I’m ‘finding’ myself again and I’m finding not only with my blog posts but my clients (I’m a life coach for women) that they too struggle with this balance and it really is the main cause for most of their challenges….. not taking the time to realise who they are and what they love to be do and have. It’s an interesting journey but there is so much power amongst it all!
    Here’s to a new wave of mumma’s – no more conforming!


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