I’m currently taking a break from my decluttering.
I had to otherwise I would have been sitting in a pool of tears. This New Year has brought much inspiration to me. From the help of a couple of blogs I stumbled upon, I realized that there was a part of my life I had shut down for awhile.
Shut it down and allowed problems, mine and others, and darkness to surround me.
Not the lightness that I usually wrap myself in. There was a period of my life where I was spending hours finding the lightness but tragedy still found me. I think I blamed it on the lightness and so kicked it away.
I’ve missed it. A lot.
So I am bringing it back. And with that has come new ideas and beginnings.
Today I am going through one of my cupboards. A cupboard full of pain.
Old journals and writings of tragedy and self discovery.
Some of them I can barely look at without feeling a sharp stabbing pain in my chest and a welling of my eyes.
I opened one a giant sob burst out from my chest into my lungs when I rememberd all I lost- I lost through crazy decisions.
There is no point reading it. There is no point revisiting my pain. I have been there enough.
All I want to do now is close down these books of pain.
I’ve thrown them into the bin without a second glance just wondering why on Earth I held onto them for so long.
We do that, us humans. We hold onto our pain because we believe it defines who we are and not having it is scarier than having it.
I say no more. I’m ready to release it and move into the lightness again.
What pain do you need to close the book on?