Time heals almost everything.
With the wonderful news still fresh in the air of Mojito Mamas’ new-born baby girl, Savannah; I couldn’t help but notice that, like many women, Caz was not so keen to recount her birth experience in detail.
Not surprising at all given the recency and (lets face it), excruciating pain often associated with child-birth.
Often, it can take many months before mums are ready to actively engage with their birth story.
It takes the slightly muted perspective afforded by time and emotional distance, to adequately portray the intermingling of trauma and joy.
Both are evident in the experience of giving birth, but initially, the pain is most definitely omnipresent in the minds of most mums.
But there must be some point where we forget, or at least gloss over the pain? Otherwise, who would consciously choose to have another child?
Think about how how relevant this is for life in general.
The human experience can be filled with painful events and occurrences.
- Losing a job
- Relationship difficulties and break-ups
- Illness or accident
- The loss of a loved one
When we are faced with an event that results in considerable suffering or emotional discomfort, it often triggers a spate of questions.
Why did this happen? Why does it hurt so much? Whats wrong with the universe?
Why me? Why them? Why now?
Why do we have to suffer?!
I still vividly recall my first broken heart.
I was seventeen and had never experienced that depth or intensity of longing, rejection, confusion, hurt and anger.
The pain consumed me. I had difficulty eating, sleeping or concentrating at school. I cried. A lot.
I was convinced that I would never love again and found renewed substance in the adage ‘dying from a broken-heart’.
After several months, I still did not understand why anyone would ever knowingly choose to to fall in love if “this” was a potential consequence.
But life moved on. I picked myself up.
I grew, changed, matured and eventually I fell in love again.
And by then?
My pain had taken on a different meaning.
I felt grateful for what I had learned in that early relationship. I was thankful for the experience of having loved, even if it was unrequited.
In effect, my perspective of suffering was altered. I was now able to find positive meaning and significance from what had previously been a wholly painful event.
Just like giving birth!
Immediately after the event, there may be stinging, smarting and a slight sense of horror.
But soon after, the pain slowly dissolves into the back recesses of our minds.
Our focus shifts to the perfection of our healthy new-born miracle and we slowly learn to move on.
Several years later, you may find that you are no longer able to readily connect with that pain. It’s almost (almost!) as if it happened to someone else.
As Caz previously mentioned – ‘This too shall pass’
A simple but powerful message that we can mentally recite whenever we are in the thick of anguish and distress.
Painful memories can morph into another one of life’s varied and meaningful experiences.
Maybe not immediately, or tomorrow and maybe not even this year.
But if we are fortunate enough to move forward and daring enough to persist ~
Time heals almost everything. Give time time (Regina Brett)
Kirri is a life-coach, mummy to three, and founder of Happy Mums At Home. She encourages mums to make themselves a priority in their own lives every day, so that they can be more present with their children and lead happier, more fulfilling lives. You can find her on Facebook.