{"id":5059,"date":"2012-02-29T11:04:25","date_gmt":"2012-02-29T00:04:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/?p=5059"},"modified":"2012-02-29T11:10:02","modified_gmt":"2012-02-29T00:10:02","slug":"the-ache-of-leaving-my-baby-behind","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/2012\/02\/the-ache-of-leaving-my-baby-behind\/","title":{"rendered":"The Ache of Leaving my Baby Behind"},"content":{"rendered":"

The purple and gold insignia of the orchid appears as I round the corner on the boarding gangplank. It\u2019s a symbol that would usually result in uncontainable excitement coursing through my veins.<\/p>\n

The hostess, hands pressed together, bows to greet me.<\/p>\n

\u201cSawadee Ka\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

I wai back.<\/p>\n

A first class passenger sits talking on her phone, \u201cAlay na?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Words so familiar to me and instantly brings back memories of my confused students asking me the same. \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

There is a small spark of happiness deep within at the thought of returning to my spiritual home<\/strong>, but it is deadened by the home I have left behind.<\/p>\n

\"Savannah's<\/a>

I miss her<\/p><\/div>\n

She lay on her tummy when I left, the same position she had rolled onto 10 hours before when she drifted off to sleep.<\/p>\n

So peaceful.<\/p>\n

It took all my strength not to wake her and squeeze her with all my life, plus that of the seven days I would be away from her.<\/p>\n

The sparrows weren\u2019t even awake yet, and I softly kissed her forehead, so restrained by my mother\u2019s love to not disturb her.<\/p>\n

Kalyra stumbled out, rubbing her eyes, squinting through the glare of the fluorescent light. We held each other. I promised to return with her list of chocolates, swimmers, a dress, skirt, shorts and shirt.<\/p>\n

Anything to make her feel better about me leaving.<\/p>\n

Anything to make me feel better about me leaving.<\/p>\n

There is an empty hole within me that can only be filled by the presence of my family.<\/p>\n

I ache for them already and I\u2019ve only just strapped myself in for the 10 hour flight that will take me away from them.<\/p>\n

At least Kalyra and Craig know where I am going and when I\u2019ll return.<\/p>\n

Baby Savannah has no idea, even though I told her all about it and reassured her that I was coming back.<\/p>\n

To her, one day I am there and the next I am not, and the next and the next.<\/p>\n

How long before she thinks I have abandoned her?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Her Mummy, her life force, the one she should always depend upon.<\/p>\n

I comfort myself at least that she\u2019s learning there are many in her life she can rely on.<\/p>\n

At least she is learning that she can rely on herself.<\/p>\n

At least she\u2019ll learn that I come back.<\/p>\n

None of these thoughts really make a different to the fact that I ache for her that I feel like the worst mother in the world.<\/p>\n

I have to focus on where this will eventually lead.<\/p>\n

One week away from her may lead to opportunities that have me with her always. I know that the eventual reward is worth the sacrifice.<\/strong><\/p>\n

But will she?<\/p>\n

How will she understand it?<\/p>\n

Will she grow up with this distrust that she can\u2019t explain? A fear that her mother will desert her?<\/p>\n

I almost want to shout out<\/p>\n

\u201cStop the plane, I have to get off and go home to my baby!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The purple and gold insignia of the orchid appears as I round the corner on the boarding gangplank. It\u2019s a symbol that would usually result in uncontainable excitement coursing through…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4745,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[500,172],"tags":[236,532,173,21],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe Ache of Leaving my Baby Behind<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The purple and gold insignia of the orchid appears as I round the corner on the boarding gangplank. It\u2019s a symbol that would usually result in\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/2012\/02\/the-ache-of-leaving-my-baby-behind\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Ache of Leaving my Baby Behind\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The purple and gold insignia of the orchid appears as I round the corner on the boarding gangplank. It\u2019s a symbol that would usually result in\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/2012\/02\/the-ache-of-leaving-my-baby-behind\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Mojito Mother\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-02-29T00:04:25+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2012-02-29T00:10:02+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/02\/Savannah.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"800\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"533\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Caz Makepeace\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@mojitomother\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@mojitomother\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Caz Makepeace\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/2012\/02\/the-ache-of-leaving-my-baby-behind\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/2012\/02\/the-ache-of-leaving-my-baby-behind\/\",\"name\":\"The Ache of Leaving my Baby Behind\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/2012\/02\/the-ache-of-leaving-my-baby-behind\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/2012\/02\/the-ache-of-leaving-my-baby-behind\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/02\/Savannah.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2012-02-29T00:04:25+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2012-02-29T00:10:02+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/#\/schema\/person\/3fdcca9c45718cfba6eb7a7379585a4b\"},\"description\":\"The purple and gold insignia of the orchid appears as I round the corner on the boarding gangplank. It\u2019s a symbol that would usually result in\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/2012\/02\/the-ache-of-leaving-my-baby-behind\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/2012\/02\/the-ache-of-leaving-my-baby-behind\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/2012\/02\/the-ache-of-leaving-my-baby-behind\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/02\/Savannah.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/02\/Savannah.jpg\",\"width\":\"800\",\"height\":\"533\",\"caption\":\"Look at those eyes!\"},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/2012\/02\/the-ache-of-leaving-my-baby-behind\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"The Ache of Leaving my Baby Behind\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/\",\"name\":\"Mojito Mother\",\"description\":\"Balancing a life of pleasure, purpose, and vitality\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/#\/schema\/person\/3fdcca9c45718cfba6eb7a7379585a4b\",\"name\":\"Caz Makepeace\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/e7658f9b5e8f2f41b4b3ef9bb31eab76?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/e7658f9b5e8f2f41b4b3ef9bb31eab76?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Caz Makepeace\"},\"description\":\"ABOUT THE AUTHOR -Caz Makepeace is a serial traveller, blogger and sunset Mojito drinker. She loves to provide empowerment tips on how to live an inspired life and she shares 20 lessons learned on how to live an empowered life in her free ebook. Caz also writes about travel around the world on y travel blog and about family travel on Kidspot's Going Places.\",\"sameAs\":[\"http:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\",\"https:\/\/x.com\/mojitomother\"],\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/author\/caz\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"The Ache of Leaving my Baby Behind","description":"The purple and gold insignia of the orchid appears as I round the corner on the boarding gangplank. It\u2019s a symbol that would usually result in","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/2012\/02\/the-ache-of-leaving-my-baby-behind\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"The Ache of Leaving my Baby Behind","og_description":"The purple and gold insignia of the orchid appears as I round the corner on the boarding gangplank. It\u2019s a symbol that would usually result in","og_url":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/2012\/02\/the-ache-of-leaving-my-baby-behind\/","og_site_name":"Mojito Mother","article_published_time":"2012-02-29T00:04:25+00:00","article_modified_time":"2012-02-29T00:10:02+00:00","og_image":[{"width":"800","height":"533","url":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/02\/Savannah.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Caz Makepeace","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@mojitomother","twitter_site":"@mojitomother","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Caz Makepeace","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/2012\/02\/the-ache-of-leaving-my-baby-behind\/","url":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/2012\/02\/the-ache-of-leaving-my-baby-behind\/","name":"The Ache of Leaving my Baby Behind","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/2012\/02\/the-ache-of-leaving-my-baby-behind\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/2012\/02\/the-ache-of-leaving-my-baby-behind\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/02\/Savannah.jpg","datePublished":"2012-02-29T00:04:25+00:00","dateModified":"2012-02-29T00:10:02+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/#\/schema\/person\/3fdcca9c45718cfba6eb7a7379585a4b"},"description":"The purple and gold insignia of the orchid appears as I round the corner on the boarding gangplank. It\u2019s a symbol that would usually result in","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/2012\/02\/the-ache-of-leaving-my-baby-behind\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/2012\/02\/the-ache-of-leaving-my-baby-behind\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/2012\/02\/the-ache-of-leaving-my-baby-behind\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/02\/Savannah.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/02\/Savannah.jpg","width":"800","height":"533","caption":"Look at those eyes!"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/2012\/02\/the-ache-of-leaving-my-baby-behind\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"The Ache of Leaving my Baby Behind"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/","name":"Mojito Mother","description":"Balancing a life of pleasure, purpose, and vitality","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/#\/schema\/person\/3fdcca9c45718cfba6eb7a7379585a4b","name":"Caz Makepeace","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/e7658f9b5e8f2f41b4b3ef9bb31eab76?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/e7658f9b5e8f2f41b4b3ef9bb31eab76?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Caz Makepeace"},"description":"ABOUT THE AUTHOR -Caz Makepeace is a serial traveller, blogger and sunset Mojito drinker. She loves to provide empowerment tips on how to live an inspired life and she shares 20 lessons learned on how to live an empowered life in her free ebook. Caz also writes about travel around the world on y travel blog and about family travel on Kidspot's Going Places.","sameAs":["http:\/\/www.mojitomother.com","https:\/\/x.com\/mojitomother"],"url":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/author\/caz\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5059"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5059"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5059\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4745"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5059"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5059"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5059"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}