{"id":1226,"date":"2011-05-17T20:55:02","date_gmt":"2011-05-17T20:55:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/?p=1226"},"modified":"2013-08-30T00:54:58","modified_gmt":"2013-08-29T14:54:58","slug":"the-terrible-threes-and-the-ability-to-respond","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mojitomother.com\/2011\/05\/the-terrible-threes-and-the-ability-to-respond\/","title":{"rendered":"The Terrible Threes and the Ability to Respond"},"content":{"rendered":"

“The other problem is that the label [terrible twos] seems to give an excuse for some behaviour that I’d rather not encourage. I make no secret of the fact that I expect a lot from my daughter in many ways, and I don’t make any excuses. If she’s having a not-so-great moment, it’s just that – it’s not because she’s two, it isn’t because she doesn’t know any better. It’s just a bad moment.”<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I read this quote from Megan Blandford’s post on the Terrible Twos<\/a> the other day and it really resonated with me, specially at a time when I have been tearing my hair out at Kalyra’s “Terrible Threes” stage.<\/p>\n

The twos were full of sweetness and newness with Kalyra, but lately it has all turned to fierce foot stomping tantrums and the assertiveness of her firey and wilful spirit. When you name someone a “wild and pleasant place” <\/a><\/strong><\/em>you have to expect these sorts of things.<\/p>\n

\"A<\/a>

A wild and pleasant place<\/p><\/div>\n

There are other factors that need to be taken into account apart from the fact that she is becoming more aware of her independence and intelligence.<\/p>\n

We had our big international move last year that neither Craig nor I wanted. She misses America too and the adjustment for her has been difficult. We are really unsettled and unhappy with our current life circumstances, so I am sure she picks up on a lot of this. (which just overwhelms me with guilt)<\/p>\n

But, as Megan points out, this is no excuse<\/strong>. It’s a reason but not an excuses. Reasons allow us to work and change our behaviours; excuses allow us to ignore them.<\/p>\n

Craig and I don’t believe in excuses either. I see the effects of these a lot in our schools, whcih I spoke a little about in Banning the time out corner<\/a>. Excuses don’t allow us to take accountability and responsibility<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Responsibility is the ability to respond.<\/h2>\n

If we don’t understand that excuses don’t help us to learn and grown<\/strong> then we will never be able to respond appropriately to situations in our lives. It will always be someone else’s fault.<\/p>\n

Just look at our society and the effect this has had on it. People get sued for ridiculous reasons, fathers can throw their babies of bridges and be let off lightly due to their unbalanced mental state. Not their fault after all.<\/p>\n

The twos or the threes, fours and even fives are the most formative years for our children. We need to teach them the ability to respond not excuses.<\/p>\n

My Dad told me a quote the other day<\/p>\n

Give me a child until he is five, and I’ll show you the man.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Proving that these are the years that help us shape the path that our children take<\/strong>. We need to give them the tools to function effectively in society and to develop that ability to respond.<\/p>\n

I would so love to excuse Kalyra’s behavour as “just being three,” and let her do what she likes because of it. Why wouldn’t I? This is the easy road. <\/strong>The road where I try to get her to like me.<\/p>\n

It takes so much time and energy to be constantly addressing the behavour and putting consequences in place to try and correct it. But, if I take the easy road then I would have lost my<\/strong> ability to respond. Just because she is three, doesn’t mean she is not smart enough to learn.<\/p>\n

So for now, I silently congratulate her for her wilful spirit<\/strong> as I know it will serve her so well when she is older. I will continue to lose my hair strand by strand and drink more wine, give her the consequences she needs, and relish every single second she decides to be peaceful and calm and sweet.<\/p>\n

She is a wild and pleasant place after all.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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