I know what it feels like to die

I know what it feels like to die.

I’ve dreamt about it over and over again.

Usually I’m in a plane and it starts to roll and then plunge. That is the moment when I know my life is going to end and I feel it intensely. I turn to Craig and hold his hand,

“Craig, this is it. We are going to die.”

Fear paralyses my body, yet underneath it all lies peaceful acceptance.

I don’t know what the dream means. An expression of my fear of flying? The end of something in my life? A foreboding prediction?

I had a different, yet similar one last week which continues to haunt me.

We were in a minivan, except it was a sedan. I was in the back row; Savannah was in front of me in her capsule.

I don’t know who else was in the car or who was driving.

We were driving too fast and as soon as we approached the bend I knew what was going to happen.

“You’re going too fast!” I screamed too late.

The car careened out of control backwards off the road into the bushes and slammed into a tree.

Not only did I have the same “This is the moment I die feeling,” but I felt the impact of the crash so vividly.

The slam and the glass as it shattered, the small flecks piercing my body.

The silence.

i know what it feels like to dieSource: fromupnorth.com via Brittany on Pinterest

The blinking of my eyes as I slowly opened and knew I was alive.

And then I remembered.

“My baby Savannah. How is my baby Savannah?” But I could not move and all I felt was terror.

Just like in the movies, I sat bolt upright in bed sweating and gasping for breath.

I could not sleep for hours after as my mind tried to process the dream and think of all the ways I was not being careful enough and protecting my children.

Were all the electrical sockets covered? Were the car seats in correctly? Do I drive safely enough? Am I watching them carefully when they are on the roads? How can I ever protect them enough?

Knowing what it feels like to die in a dream is distressing, experiencing the death of your child is haunting.

I’m so very glad that it was just a dream. I wish I could work out what it’s supposed to mean.

Your Turn to Share Tips:

Have you had any haunting dreams like this before?

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Comments
  • Vanessa

    A few years back I had a vivid dream of being in an explosion. The feelings stayed with me for a long time, being torn apart but knowing it. It was quite disturbing. All I can say is that at least mine faded with time.

    Reply

    • Caz

      That is a disturbing dream. Sometimes I wonder if in our sleep we don’t pass by into another world and actually live those dreams. Maybe this one we are in now is just a dream and each time we go to sleep we wake up from it!!

      Reply

  • Tat

    I usually wake up just before I die, so I haven’t felt the peaceful acceptance, only the fear. But then when I wake up all I feel is relief – it wasn’t real, it was a dream, I am alive.

    Reply

    • Caz

      Actually I think I have always woken up before I have died as well. But I still get that I’m about to die feeling. Maybe its just a reminder to us to seize the day more

      Reply

  • Lisa Wood

    I dream that I am falling – from a big height! And yet I am not scared…its almost like I am floating.
    That is one of my dreams – my other one…is my teeth are falling out. One by one they crumble out of my mouth, and I am trying hard to find a dentist to see if they can help me to fix my teeth back into my mouth. Which doesnt make sense, because the teeth are little pieces crumbling into my hand…then I wake up and I have to feel my mouth with my hand! Crazy dream :)
    They say that dreams reflect our lifestyle – yet I am not sure what my teeth dream is all about! My flying dream is because I want to travel the world…at least that is what I keep telling myself ;)
    Maybe your dream is because you are so busy – and you need to slow down to be more in the moment of day to day living? (only a thought!)
    Hope you have sweet dreams this week.

    Reply

    • Caz

      OMG Lisa!! I always have the teeth dream too -exactly as you have described it here. That is so freaky. And that dream freaks me out every time, it is so so real. I always wake up with the horror that my teeth really have gone this time. I’ve heard that it means you are trying to say something to someone but can’t spit it out.

      Maybe that dream means I do need to slow down. Good analysis

      Reply

      • Lisa Wood

        That so makes sense about the meaning of the teeth dreams! I do have trouble telling people what I am really thinking about – but I am trying to get better at speaking from my heart (without hurting anyones feelings!)

        Reply

  • Jodie Benveniste @ Parent Wellbeing

    Caz – dreams about being on transport (planes, cars etc) are all about the direction you are going in life. If you’re not driving/piloting – it’s often about how you feel you’re not in control of the direction you’re heading in. And because Savvannah was in the car too, it might reflect how you feel like this might all be impacting on her. Just my 2 cents worth! I hope this helps!

    Reply

    • Caz

      I think this is spot on Jodie. Great anaylsis and thank you for sharing. Now to find the way to get back into control.

      Reply

  • Michael Dart

    Hi CAZ,

    I had the same dream. I was on a normal Emirates flight on a Boeing 777 and we took off like normal. After that, the cockpit doors were open and I saw that there was a mountain in front of us. They next thing that happened was I went into the cockpit and the aircraft started stalling (plunging down). Then I heard all of these signals (*Warning, Warning…PULL UP, TERRAIN*). Then I was the airport and we went down. We crashed and right when we hit the ground, I was like an angel. I could see 3rd person of my family. I can hear my family speak, but when I try to then nobody hears me. Like ignorance. Days pass and I see how my family reads the news of the crash. They all start crying. CAZ, do you think this is like afterlife? Does this exactly happen? I felt it in my dream. It was like a dream then you face reality, the afterlife. Hope this is interesting.

    Michael Dart

    Reply

    • Caz Makepeace

      Wow! What a dream Michael. And how frightening. I think you can dream as if you are in the afterlife. I’ve had similar things before. It might be just symbolic of peace you are searching for in your life and you find it.
      Here’s a post I recently wrote http://www.mojitomother.com/2013/06/how-to-analyse-your-dreams/

      I learned from someone how to interpret dreams correctly. This might help you. Let me know what you come up with

      Reply

      • Michael Dart

        Thanks!

        Reply

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