A Bizarre Meditation Experience

by Caz Makepeace on June 15, 2011

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I love meditating.

I had always wanted to try it for years, but never did as I thought I could never sit still, let alone make my busy mind be quiet.

Photo: AlicePopkorn

And then one day, I decided to start. I started slowly and then learned that meditating is not about controlling and quietening your mind, it is about letting it go.

It is about watching the thoughts enter and allowing them to leave straight away. It is about not holding onto them and dwelling on them.

I feel so much calmer, in tune with myself, and so much freer when I meditate.

Meditative Urges

There are times when I feel really tense, anxious or frustrated when I get this sudden urge to meditate. Its as if something is calling me to do it so I can correct the energy blocks that are happening within me and find answers.

The other day, I had this feeling, so I stopped what I was doing and started to meditate.

Now, I know people will be afraid by the “woo woo ness” of meditatitng and so will leave this post now. No problem. See you when you get back.

I’m not afraid to explore different paths in life and see what it may bring. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t. But, I am open to try and I’m open to learn. I truly do not know everything about life and I think there are so many unexplained and unexplored miracles.

Why not try and discover them?

As I was meditating, I allowed myself to let it all out and open up. I worked on allowing all thoughts to disappear from my mind so I could really hear what was going on–what I needed to hear.

My breathing became regular and focused and I began to feel calm.

The Turning Head

All of a sudden, I felt this pressure on my head and it felt as if my head was now turning to the side. I couldn’t move it. I couldn’t because in reality my head was still facing the front.

My heart began to race as I freaked out and almost flew open my eyes to cut off from the meditation.

But, I held in there.

I knew this was something important. This was a message I needed to hear and a block I needed to work through.

My sister and I had only been talking a few days before about chakra re-balancing. She had only just heard of it and was thinking of getting it done. I knew people who had done it before and spoke of immediate changes they had felt within themselves once done.

As my head remained facing forward yet plastered to the side, I tried to regain composure through my breath and began to think of my energy fields and that somehow my chakras were blocked and seriously misaligned.

I opened myself up and merely thought words to the effect of “I want to work through this blockage. I want to do whatever I need to get my head to face forward again.”

And I just sat, and breathed, and focused and waited.

The Answers Arrive

All sorts of things came up for me. Things I knew deep down to be true, and things I had been struggling with for years.

It has seemed to me lately that opportunities have been passing me by. I’ve been throwing my heart and soul into my passion of blogging for so long, and I just felt so stuck. I felt as if I wasn’t moving anywhere, rewards weren’t coming and opportunities were going everywhere else but to me.

I’ve always had this belief that things I want don’t happen to me, that I’m not recognized for what I can offer, almost like eyes and opportunities glaze over me. They know I am there, but they can’t really see me.

A Romanian gypsy who once read my cards in her caravan on Brighton Beach, England, once told me.

“You are worried you are going to be just another mug left on the shelf”

That is the story of my life and something I battle with every day of trying to overcome. The worry that it will never happen to me, and I will be passed over.

Living in the Shadows

My head still would not budge from the side, and I was so tempted to just open my eyes and get the hell out of there. I wanted to take a peek, at least, just to check in case it had actually been pushed to the side so strong was the feeling.

As I began to unravel the truths that lay beneath the blockage, I saw what it was trying to tell me.

I allow myself to live in the shadows.

My head was turned to the side like that as that is how I live my life. It’s not that opportunities, rewards and people can’t see or want to see me, it is because I have my head turned to the side, and I hide in the shadows, frightened to stick my head out forward into the light.

Facing Forward Again

And so began the healing work. I had to open myself up to now being the person that stuck my head out front, instead of turning it into the shadows. And so this became my dominant feeling and thought.

I began to focus on being in the light, of having my face forward. It didn’t feel so scary. And so I turned it a little more, and then a little more, and soon enough I felt very comfortable with being out in front where I could be seen. I felt very comfortable with the thought that opportunities and rewards would now clearly see me and find there way to me easily.

I said yes. This is where I want to be, it is where I belong and it is what I deserve.

The pressure on my head was released and I felt it facing forward again in its true position.

Am I crazy?

Okay, so how many people have left me now???? That crazy Mojito Mother she is a bit too willy wonky for me!! Oh well.

Let me tell you though, that evening I had the best sleep I had in a long time and when I woke up it was the first morning in months, where I did not feel as if I had drank 10 beers the night before. I felt good. I felt a free flowing of energy inside of me.

I definitely feel as if something has been unblocked within me. I don’t feel the heaviness of my pregnancy or the heaviness of my problems that I have been carrying for a long time.

Whether this is just my mind gone even more insane with pregnancy hormones, I don’t know. But, I do know now that when I start to self-doubt now and think it’s not going to happen to me, my mind instantly shouts “Turn your head forward into the light.” And I feel so much more assured and relaxed.

Time will only tell if the opportunities come my way now. And if they do, then I am sure we could pass it off as co-incidence.

I’d rather believe in the magic. I’d rather believe in the power I hold to work through my problems and heal myself.

Imagine the world if we all just believed that.