I’ve been struggling to find the words to write for this post. I could just write a single sentence that will share the news revealing the sex of the little munchkin who is now rolling and kicking in my tummy.
Or I could wax on lyrical.
It is a weird feeling watching the computer screen painfully anticipating the sonographers words that will point out to you “willy or no willy.”
“Legs are close together. I can’t really see anything yet.”
“Well, it must be a girl then,” piped up Craig from behind him.
I don’t know how he was able to make out much through the blurred computer images, but he guided us through all the major organs and bones of our baby’s body. I was amazed at how much they could see; it was the only time I would ever be able to see the insides of my child and it’s heart rapidly pulsing in and out. We watched as red fire lit up the screen, blood coursing through our precious baby’s body. All the organs were present and perfectly formed, all fingers and toes accounted for with a regular heart beat.
I thought of some of the many babies, young children, or adults who have not been so lucky and I felt so incredibly grateful that my baby was growing in such a healthy way. There was really nothing else that mattered.
But still, I wanted to know just what this little bubba of mine was.
And while the sonographer was not 100% sure because he couldn’t get a great look due to the clamping of the legs close together, he was pretty certain about what he could not see.
I’m so glad that I found out.
I would never in 4 months time want be in the position where I am holding my little precious baby girl, meeting her for the first time and having the slightest feeling of disappointment that she was not a boy. That is not how you greet someone who you love unconditionally and who needs your love so much.
Now I have time to bond and prepare and focus on all the wonderful things about having another girl. I know the most important thing is that she is healthy and I am so grateful for that. And when I look at the photo of her sweet little face sucking her thumb, I am already filled with love for her.
There is a part of me that is sad, as is Craig. It is a strange feeling to know that we will never experience being a mother or a father to a boy. I am not going to deny that I don’t feel a little disappointment and a small sense of loss by it. But, this is life, we cannot control it and everything that happens is exactly the way it should. So, I let go of that part of me that could of once been. A son was not written in my stars.
I will have two son-in-laws instead. Two well-chosen son-in-laws.
I am gifted with the opportunity to raise two beautiful strong independent women. What a privilege that is! Somebody or something has faith in me to do it. I have one adorable, sweet, funny and charming girl who rocks my world. I am now going to have another one.
I am really lucky.
Kalyra is so happy to be having a baby sister. I can only imagine the good times those two will have together and the fights. Flashbacks to headlock wrestles with Raelene, my older sister, and mum screaming in the background “Would you two just get along.”
Now we do, really well. It is so special to have a sister you can laugh and talk with- I have two.
At least Kalyra will now have someone to play Barbie schools with. (big cheers from Mummy and Daddy)
Daddy is going out to buy another shot gun and take up meditation classes so he can survive living with three women.
I am going to keep praying that little one will be born a couple of weeks early so I don’t have to live with three Virgos.
And the name? Well that one you are just going to have to wait until Aug
26 no…. 14 for!